Just for today, I was thinking of dropping the hard language and the dignity.
I’m just some teenage boy, yet i’m thinking all of these things to myself. Just a strange, different teenage boy surrounded by all these highschoolers, who really seem all the same to me. They all have the same worries of people, material things, parents, school work, and their futures. They talk about arguments they have with people, cry over things that make them sad. I suppose that’s natural.
But there’s me.
I’m just here almost without a similar care. I always think to myself that I really don’t want to be like them. Caring just about things myself and the things I see. I want to go much deeper.
But who is like me? Why is it that i’m the only one who wants to be an intellectual? So I can do nothing but stick to myself with the exception of people who share interests with me. I shut myself off from all those ungrateful, stupid trash. Completely disgusted with them. (There are always exceptions though)
Over time, I got used to being close to alone and staying away from the usual generic high school kid. Not even lonely. I can just quietly think to myself and I can be fine. Simple pleasures are all that I need.
But every month.
All of my feeling get to me. All the loneliness, all the sadness. All I can do is lie in my bed and cry. Cry, sleep, and try to keep a straight face to my mom.
I can cry, and nobody will be here. They can cry, and the comforting hands of their friends, who have the same mindset as them, will come help them.
Who will comfort me when I think alone?
I don’t need all those friends.. I just need one person who can honestly listen to my thoughts and ideals. Someone who can think like me. That’s what they all have.
This road less traveled seems to have no one on it but me.
I have simple desires. I don’t need a phone. A Car. A heaven. A hell. I just want to find a wife who loves me that I can love too, laugh everyday, and have a healthy family.
Maybe then I can regain my love for everything. Instead of my only love being saved for a woman who I can love with all my heart. A woman kind enough to take a heart as wretched as mine.
Ha regular teenage boy. Who is a lowly fish at Hebron High School. Thinking these things. What made me this way? An easygoing attitude. A hopeless romantic. A antisocial loser. A lazy smartass. A person different from what I used to be.
When I see people I always ask myself my relation with them. If they seem to be introverted or loud, or smart or dumb, and I ask if I would be able to have some connection with this type of person.
All Idealists (NFs) share the following core characteristics:
Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self — always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.
Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the “not visible” or the “not yet” that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.
Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a “soulmate,” someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.
Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.
Which sort of person are you? Are you able to strive for a happiness greater than the present?
When you have a task set in front of you, are you the type to get right to doing it? Or are you going to procrastinate? Or perhaps you won’t do it at all. Of course there are many different reasons of why you would do whatever you choose to do, and it would take a very long time to cover all of them. But i’m sure you would weigh it’s value compared to the other things you want to do and make sure to set time aside to do it…or not plan at all.
Now what if this task was a long term goal to accomplish your highest dream? Of course you would want to accomplish such a thing.
I’ve always wonder what made life worth living. Or actually, only recently. God? This is supposed to be judgement to see if we deserve to go to heaven. Then why have a middle ground? How about we all go then get kicked out if necessary? Why make more people at all. But then I see something. Life is for happiness. So to succeed in life is to be happy, right? So what does it mean to be happy? Well, I suppose it’s different for everybody. I see happiness like I see many things, compared to others. Because, really, how can we tell something’s value unless there is something greater or lesser than it?
But I also see happiness as a fulfillment of ones “purpose”, as to say, doing what they want to do or accomplish. So what do people want to accomplish?